Tired of your son playing with that sissy little pink tea set? Worried that he won’t give you any grandkids? Sounds like you need to turn Tea Time into XTREME TIME!

—
I based this cartoon off of a conversation I had with someone who was actually concerned that their 2 year old son preferred a pink tea set over a monster truck toy. Not fully understanding that grown men do drink tea, they lamented over the fact that he might become confused genderwise in the near future.

I suggested that Mattel come out with a manly coffee set instead of a tea set. Although I was joking, they insisted that I try to patent this ‘amazing’ idea.

I made this instead.

You can also check it out on these other fine services that host my little shorts:

Newgrounds
Funnyjunk
Funnyordie
Break.com
Vimeo

We’re a small flash animation team in the frozen wastelands of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. And when I say small, I mean one person. And when I say ‘we’, I mean ‘me’, Riley Beach. ‘We’ sounds a lot more impressive and less sad, so I tend to throw that around quite a bit in the hopes that no one questions it. So shush.

I’m looking to build this into a big, mighty cornerstone of the Interwebs loaded with animation, games, and whatever else comes to mind when I’m pounding back cans of NOS in the wee hours of the morning. We’re (me’re) small now, but will grow to a size rivaling the most obese and sweaty of men.

Thanks for having a look around the site, voting on Newgrounds, watching on YouTube, or wherever you have wandered in from. I look forward to you looking forward to the future of spicybackpain.com!

Any questions, concerns, complaints, advertising inquiries, or delicious cake recipes can be forwarded to: riley@spicybackpain.com. I’ll personally frown at every complaint!

Like the scathing sound of my voice? Want a script drawn up or a character designed? Have a sweet idea you’d like to turn into a cartoon? Check out rileybeach.com for my demo and further contact info. Or head right on over to my LinkedIn profile and make fun of my resume.

Enjoy the rest of your day or night, whatever it happens to be right now.

Other sites to visit, if reading all the previous paragraphs wasn’t exciting enough:

Newgrounds
Weebl’s Stuff
Funnyjunk
Funnyordie
Vimeo
Break.com

There isn’t much there yet, but we’re working hard to create t-shirts and other schwag to show your spicybackpain support!

If you have a request for an item, post it on our Facebook page and we’ll see what we can do!

Ron Sherman of Kitchener, Ontario, has managed to stay well below the imposed 25gb cap for years now without restricting his online habits at all.

“It’s all fairly simple,” says Ron. “People think that the ISPs are the only places that you can get Internet from. They don’t realize that every single day, gallons upon gallons of Internet is falling all around them, completely and totally wasted. That’s why I’ve constructed this!” Ron gestured towards a very complex network of barrels and troughs all over his backyard. “This network collects fallen Internet, which is piped into my house and stored in a modestly sized kiddie pool in my basement. The providers can raise their prices all they want, all I have to do is dilute their overpriced Internet with the free Internet I’ve collected from my own network!”

The downside? “If you’re collecting Internet from the outdoors, your computer is bound to get buggy after a while.”

Demonstrating his method in greater detail, Ron opened up the cap on his computer’s tank and began pouring in diluted Internet. Although it lacked the crisp quality of the fresh Internet from his ISP, Ron was still able to bring up several lengthy HD videos of puppies falling asleep.

“Hold on!” exclaimed Ron, “Have you seen the video of the panda sneezing yet? I’ll be right back! You HAVE to see it!” He quickly leapt to his feet and ran downstairs to fetch another pail of Internet.

Dan Rickman has come up with another method – he uses panels on his roof to collect radiant Internet from the sun, and also uses a composter to recycle his used Internet into fertile soil to grow his award winning zucchini in the spring. “I get an extra gig a day doing this!” He stated proudly, demonstrating how he can still use the collected Internet to pull up Facebook and inform his social group about how boring Wednesdays typically are.

Some ideas are still highly experimental, such as Allan Waters complicated model.

“As you can see,” said Allen, guiding us through the large operation he had set up in his garage. “Each one of the treadmills is operated by five cats, which powers the generator over here, creating absolutely pure Internet, which is then piped directly into my computer.” Allan pulled up YouTube, which was broadcasting a live stream of his setup known as the “Catmill”, via webcam.

“Isn’t this great!” He exclaimed, mesmerized by the image of hundreds of cats frantically running in unison on his screen. “Screw the ISPs! Now I can watch the Catmill online, all day every day!”

Perhaps the hardest hit will be the lower class, who will be unable to afford to build such systems or pay for the extra gigabytes over their monthly limit. One such person is a destitute homeless man seen laying outside of a bookstore, holding out his iPhone to passerbys, pleading for a single squirt of Internet to get him through the day. After a generous citizen gives him a few precious drops, he promptly plays ten minutes of Bejewelled before once again running out.

“NO!” shouts the dishevelled man, throwing his phone to the pavement in a huff. “I didn’t even get a chance to Google my name again! What are the most recent box office numbers for “The Green Hornet”? Did Boxcar Bob ever poke me back? Who’s going to feed my cows in Farmville? Is #biebersucks still trending? Oh God, please, someone tell me!”

“I got sidetracked,” says Leslie, picking through his beard for cracker crumbs after spending the last few years locked in his bedroom working on the joke. “I thought it was going to be really easy, since Renfro was in Apt Pupil with Ian McKellan. Y’know McKellan is a fag and everything, so that sparked some really hilarious stuff in the old noodle. Offending fans of Ian McKellan, Brad Renfro, and Heath Ledger in a single joke seemed too good to be true.”

Leslie pressed his index finger to his head, indicating that his ‘noodle’ was his brain. He squinted angrily at the light and flailed his hands in its general direction, trying to break up the beams up light into darker patches that would be easier to handle. His fingernails had the appearance of being unclipped for months, with ages of Sour Cream n’ Onion powder caked around his right hand, forming an auxiliary finger which he used to scratch his back.

“Turns out it WAS too good to be true,” laments Leslie, burying his face into his hands, nearly taking out an eye with his sharp oniony appendage. “I suddenly remembered that McKellan was Magneto, so that kind of cancels out the whole gay thing, and makes him kinda cool. It wouldn’t be right dissing Gandalf like that. The whole Apt Pupil ‘little boy’ angle went out the window – everyone knows that pedophiles are hilarious, but insulting one that people like is always a crap shoot.”

Leslie removed his socks for the first time since August, revealing a priceless crop of white truffles spouting from between his toes. Nearby, a massive pile of Hot Pocket boxes collapsed, taking a section of the floor down to the basement.

“Then I realized that most people don’t even know who Brad Renfro is. When you bring up that he was in Tom and Huck, everyone assumes that you’re talking about Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Then nobody thinks you’re funny, since everyone has a soft spot for Simba.”

Leslie sat down and furiously rubbed his temples, obviously distraught over the whole experience. Several generations of cats suddenly ran out from under the bed and swarmed out the door.

“I think I’m going to give up trying to be topical, it’s too fucking hard. I think I should stick to quoting Clone High and doing Greased Up Deaf Guy impressions.”

Here’s a selection of ideas that I’ve had for a while now, but could never figure out how to make them any longer than they already are. I suppose I could pull a Saturday Night Live and extend each one by ten minutes, but I have a feeling that won’t go over so well.

Enjoy these tiny sketch tidbits, and visit spicybackpain.com for more animations and articles and whatnots!

Short Shorts can also been seen at these other fine sites:

Newgrounds
Funnyjunk
Funnyordie
Vimeo

This is the first episode of a new series that I’m starting work on. Instead of having an initial episode that sets the scene and characters in motion, I took a note from 80s fantasy/sci-fi shows and made a long winded opening that explains the entire concept and back history of the show.

If you’ve ever seen Quantum Leap, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The show had three back-to-back openings that lasted almost three minutes, and by the end of it you knew the entire history of the show along with what Scott Bakula’s favorite foods were. He liked radishes for some weird reason, and if any of the crew made eye contact with him he’d go into a rage and beat Dean Stockwell unconscious.

I’m looking forward to making more episodes in the future, so stay tuned!

Sterile Atomic Fly is also available at these other fine sites:

Newgrounds
Funnyjunk
Funnyordie
Vimeo

Sandwiches meets a nice Hindu lady on the bus, and strikes up a civilized conversation with her.

Sandwiches can also be seen riding these other lovely hosting services:

Newgrounds
Funnyjunk
Funnyordie
Vimeo

Prices are so below cost, IT’S A HOLOCAUST!

Also viewable at:

Newgrounds
Funnyjunk
Funnyordie
Vimeo