The up and coming cap on Internet usage has fuelled innovation amongst Canadians, as people are finding sustainable methods to limit their Internet usage without compromising their online presence or experience, and without emptying their bank accounts.
Ron Sherman of Kitchener, Ontario, has managed to stay well below the imposed 25gb cap for years now without restricting his online habits at all.
“It’s all fairly simple,” says Ron. “People think that the ISPs are the only places that you can get Internet from. They don’t realize that every single day, gallons upon gallons of Internet is falling all around them, completely and totally wasted. That’s why I’ve constructed this!” Ron gestured towards a very complex network of barrels and troughs all over his backyard. “This network collects fallen Internet, which is piped into my house and stored in a modestly sized kiddie pool in my basement. The providers can raise their prices all they want, all I have to do is dilute their overpriced Internet with the free Internet I’ve collected from my own network!”
The downside? “If you’re collecting Internet from the outdoors, your computer is bound to get buggy after a while.”
Demonstrating his method in greater detail, Ron opened up the cap on his computer’s tank and began pouring in diluted Internet. Although it lacked the crisp quality of the fresh Internet from his ISP, Ron was still able to bring up several lengthy HD videos of puppies falling asleep.
“Hold on!” exclaimed Ron, “Have you seen the video of the panda sneezing yet? I’ll be right back! You HAVE to see it!” He quickly leapt to his feet and ran downstairs to fetch another pail of Internet.
Dan Rickman has come up with another method – he uses panels on his roof to collect radiant Internet from the sun, and also uses a composter to recycle his used Internet into fertile soil to grow his award winning zucchini in the spring. “I get an extra gig a day doing this!” He stated proudly, demonstrating how he can still use the collected Internet to pull up Facebook and inform his social group about how boring Wednesdays typically are.
Some ideas are still highly experimental, such as Allan Waters complicated model.
“As you can see,” said Allen, guiding us through the large operation he had set up in his garage. “Each one of the treadmills is operated by five cats, which powers the generator over here, creating absolutely pure Internet, which is then piped directly into my computer.” Allan pulled up YouTube, which was broadcasting a live stream of his setup known as the “Catmill”, via webcam.
“Isn’t this great!” He exclaimed, mesmerized by the image of hundreds of cats frantically running in unison on his screen. “Screw the ISPs! Now I can watch the Catmill online, all day every day!”
Perhaps the hardest hit will be the lower class, who will be unable to afford to build such systems or pay for the extra gigabytes over their monthly limit. One such person is a destitute homeless man seen laying outside of a bookstore, holding out his iPhone to passerbys, pleading for a single squirt of Internet to get him through the day. After a generous citizen gives him a few precious drops, he promptly plays ten minutes of Bejewelled before once again running out.
“NO!” shouts the dishevelled man, throwing his phone to the pavement in a huff. “I didn’t even get a chance to Google my name again! What are the most recent box office numbers for “The Green Hornet”? Did Boxcar Bob ever poke me back? Who’s going to feed my cows in Farmville? Is #biebersucks still trending? Oh God, please, someone tell me!”
